Character Defects or Are They?
I'm sure you've heard the saying “how you do one thing is how you do everything”. Perhaps not, but most of us have. These words have been coming up for me the last few weeks. They came up for me as I've procrastinated. They came up for me as I didn't say how I felt about something. They came up for me as I was getting distracted working on projects.
How I do one thing… spending money, judging others, not getting done what is most important, and not going for the things you say you want, to list just a few, shows up in everything I do. The kicker for me is that sometimes I don’t even realize they are connected to something deeper. Some emotion or thought.
Let’s dig into this a bit. (These are true examples from my experience on this earth. Maybe they relate to you.) Say, for example, I procrastinate in getting something done until the last minute. Where else do I procrastinate? Getting out of bed, paying bills, getting blog posts done, putting gas in the car. How you do one thing is how you do everything.
Another example, I keep my thoughts to myself. I don’t call/text people back when they call/text. I hibernate. How you do one thing is how you do everything.
Let’s talk money. I purchase things online that I don’t need, I sign up for workshops and don’t attend, I don’t look at my bank account to make sure I have money. How you do one thing is how you do everything.
It took me quite a while to realize how all of these show up in my life. How I treat money is the same, no matter the situation. I procrastinate in ways I didn’t realize. I don’t say what I need to say in situations when it would benefit me.
Actually, those are things I used to do. Working with a coach and digging into the underlying causes of all of these has been one of the greatest gifts I could give myself. My coach was able to help me see how this is all connected to feelings of fear and low self-esteem. They were also able to help come up with strategies to overcome what some call “character defects”.
I learned that term in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. In my travels through those rooms, I was encouraged to recognize my character defects. And that was it. I identified them, then used them as an excuse. (PLEASE, I am not saying AA isn’t a great program. It is what I needed at that point in my life to get under control. Eventually, I needed more than I found in those rooms. That is not the case for all members!)
Those same character defects, or the things we continually do that may not serve us anymore, played a major role in keeping us safe at some point in our life. We develop coping mechanisms that serve us, until they don’t.
Procrastination doesn’t serve me in getting what I say I want in life. Not keeping track of my finances doesn’t allow me to do the things that I say are important to me.
And keeping all my thoughts to myself, not speaking my truth, if you would, leads to all kinds of resentments and misunderstandings. This has been the one that I’ve had the most fear around and working through this with a coach has been instrumental.
So what’s my point?
How you do one thing is how you do everything. Often that one thing shows up in ways you would never have connected. Keep track of areas you want to work on and note where it shows up in activities and feelings you wouldn’t have noticed.
Get a coach if you are ready to move to the next level. We often think a coach is only for people who have problems or big glaring issues. Not true. A coach can help you get to the next level of life. You have areas to work on, a coach can help you change those areas quickly. I know. I’ve had coaches for 10 years now.
As always, if you would like to connect and talk about this post, what coaching might look like, or how it might change your life, message me here or text “Blog” to 206 309 6580.